LOL Voldemort

Almost a decade ago I took an oath of abstinence from watching any movies from the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter franchise. Well, not really an oath but just the lack of interest in these franchise. I am a great admirer of the books. I broke that oath yesterday when I decided to watch both parts of The Deathly Hallows from the Harry Potter franchise. I'm not getting into the book vs movie debate because I never really expect a strong correlation. Such correspondence is expected of comic-book based movies because those books give you the visuals and pace to play in your head.

The Deathly Hallows movie was good. Nothing spectacular and not worth 3D but it was a time well spent. I would like to, if I may, make a special mention of Lord Voldemort. A Pottermaniac once sent me a news snippet mentioning that Lord Voldemort has been voted as the greatest movie villain of all-time (http://www.mugglenet.com/app/news/show/1740). Seriously? I mean how can anyone take this movie-guy seriously? I imagined Voldemort with a lot more vicious serpentine characteristics. What I did get from the movie was a pale bald man in an oversized gown who got his nose chopped in an unfortunate accident. He looks at a person or the camera with his eyelids wide open, trying to look menacing I'd presume. It seems to me as if he is looking at his missing nose with disbelief, reliving the tragedy when he was robbed of his olfactory senses. Or maybe he is just fascinated by the depth of perception he enjoys when his nose isn't in the way.

The 4chan verticals on Voldemort didn't help. Here's one from FunnyJunk-
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/671643/Voldemort+Meme/

What is with the oversized gown? Every time he walks, his gown blows up like Marilyn Monroe's skirt, only Voldemort's gown makes him look fat and not sexy. Has anybody noticed that he seems to be the only male character who screams in these movies? Each time he falls, casts a spell, gets vexed or loses a Horcrux, he just has to scream. When Harry pulls Voldemort down before the final battle again Harry, the kid, is silent as he falls down but Voldemort, the dark lord, is screaming all through the fight like his oversized gown was on fire. Snape and Dumbledore die a relatively peaceful death although their manner of death was more gruesome. But every time Voldemort loses 1/7th of his life-force he has to let out this clamorous and deafening bellow to let the whole world know that he is dying. Think I'm exaggerating? Check out the trailer again-



Who is the only guy screaming there?

When he is not screaming, he is delivering a dialogue. While reading the book, I imagined Voldemort to have a hissing accent and a mouth with a bifid tongue and fangs ready to take a stab. The movie gives you a guy with a hoarse voice as if someone has just kicked him at a place-that-shall-not-be-named.

Let me re-iterate, I enjoyed the movie in the manner it was meant to be enjoyed but I just couldn't help laughing out loud at Voldemort each time he made an appearance. I couldn't celebrate his death and mourned as you'd mourn the loss of a great comedian. For all that entertainment, I wished I could hug him in the manner I see myself trying to hug my wife before our first night together.

The grandmother of all clashes!

So India face Pakistan in the knock-out leading to the finals of the ICC Cricket World Cup being played at home for India. This is the Cup that matters, because this is the global stage. Well, so is Champions Trophy- held every two years and ICC Twenty20 format World Cup- held every 2 years too. Actually, the Indian domestic Twenty20 format league the IPL- Indian Premier League, held every year, is fast becoming a global sporting event of another kind too. Does that dampen the importance of the tournament? HELL NO. Not one bit. How many people can recollect the winners/runner-ups/location/unimportant statistics/legendary clashes of the ICC Champions Trophy, ICC T20 World Cup and IPL by memory? Compare that to The ICC Cricket World Cup? I bet the latter has a lot more. Specifically the upcoming India vs Pakistan clash the mother of all clashes!

Many all over the media have claimed their reasons to look forward for the clash. I have my own reasons. I started watching cricket in 1996, the first time the Indian sub-continent hosted the World Cup. India hosted 17 of the matches in 17 different venues back then. Perhaps the first time I saw an India/Pakistan clash(quarter-finals) and boy lives depended on it! It was the now eccentric commentator Sidhu's knock with the bat and Prasad's contribution with the ball that won us that game. That, however, was followed by a humiliating defeat in the hands of Sri Lanka who eventually lifted that coveted trophy for the first time. Yes, everyone around me was disappointed but it soon followed "bright-side" discussions about the quarterfinal victory over Pakistan. It was as if that match mattered more than the World Cup itself. Each had their own reasons to believe so. Some mentioned political tensions, neighbor bragging rights, some preferred cricketing reasoning that Pakistan were defending champions, they are and forever will be the best bowling unit in the world or just there have been too many on-field antics in these bilateral clashes. Whatever reason you may choose or create, it simply rubbed off on the newbies watching the game. The enthusiasm and tension rubbed off on me.

My second cricketing stint was with the 1998 Independence Cup. You will be forgiven if you do not remember or know that Bangladesh was the third team involved in that triangular series. India expectedly met Pakistan in the best-of-three finals. India won the first final and Pakistan the second final. A third final you could not script. The excitement after the win of the first final and the gloom after the second final. The 10-year old me did not care about the history of India-Pakistan politics. I had not seen enough matches to even remember the names of all the players. I did not even understand the rules well. After every funny umpire signal I would ask dad what it meant. My match-engrossed dad would make it clear he was disturbed from his meditation then he would gather enough air to calm himself down to afford a frustrated answer. I would make it a point to not ask him again but would forget that in a space of one cricket over. I perhaps only wanted India to win because firstly, I was Indian and secondly, that would make my dad happy and put him in a great mood. Perhaps even take me to that Essel World trip he has been promising me for a year. India did win and what a win that was. India had one ball to spare chasing 315 in 48 overs. Hard even by today's standards and that too against a high quality bowling attack. India lost several times within the match. Once with their ordinary bowling and appalling fielding. Another time when Sachin got out for 41. And another time when Ganguly, Azharuddin and Jadeja lost their wickets. It is important to note here that I cluster Sachin independently from the rest. At that time losing Sachin for less than a 100 meant losing a chase. But India won the match shooting Ganguly to fame. Celebrations like I had never seen before. Great mood all around. A weekend trip to Essel World. The next day there were news reports about a mass in Pakistan collectively burning their TV sets to vent their frustration at the loss. Three heart attack in India with one causality as a result of the nail-biting finish. This was crazy, this was big. It was a huge game! Every time India and Pakistan clashed, the two countries came to a standstill. The mother of all clashes.

Only one from each team retain their places in the squad this Wednesday, over 13 years later. The still young Sachin Tendulkar and the matured Shahid Afridi. India always boasted its batting and Pakistan its bowling. They still do. Pakistan's best bowler that day was Saqlain Mustaq, who is eligible to play for England today! Afridi and Ajmal have deservingly filled in the spinners roles. But Mohali is about pace bowlers, Pakistan won't mind that. You remove their best two bowlers plagued in controversies and they maintain a pace attack to die for. The fastest Pakistani- Akhtar's final assignment.

This, many believe would be the last World Cup for Sachin Tendulkar. I don't know. I don't care. He is here today for all I care. I prefer to enjoy that than lose sleep over the future. He made me lose sleep once in 2004 with a tennis elbow injury. Many believed it was the end of the little master. He walked into the Greg Chappell's Indian side. Chappell, the controversial cynic, once famously said that Sachin would never be the same again and that his glorious days are gone. The world knows what happened after that. Sachin reached a form better than he has ever been in his lifetime. "Rested" for several unimportant clashes he again walked into the side with century after century(including an ODI double century) and now stands at 99 international centuries. 90's often wreaks the nerves of a Sachin devotee. He is notorious for getting out in the 90's but nobody puts this silly theory to rest like Harsha Bhogle does- Yes he has got out in the 90s more than anybody else but he has also converted a 90 into a century more often than anybody else has. If you want to put your money on converting a 90 into a century then Sachin is your best bet.

I was once asked- If God exists and I met Him, what would I ask or tell Him? I thought this through and the answer is- Nothing! Perhaps give a huge smile, a hi-five and ask for an autograph. I don't approve of Sachin being called God because "God" is supposed to have certain characteristics that would perhaps underestimate the 'beautiful truth' that is 'Sachin'. Sachin stands for the fruits of hard-work. Sachin stands tall for short men who want to conquer everything. Sachin stands for humility at the face of a billion people worth of fame. Sachin stands for heroes who fail and become heroes again. Sachin stands for calmness and a brave face in the weight that Atlas could relate to. God is portrayed to be flawless. It is the very flaws among perfection that makes Sachin to adorable. Sachin is no God but if I met him I would do the same as I would if I met God. Should I tell him that he is my favorite athlete? So I am a billion-and-first fan of his? That does not justify where I hold him. I have no miracle story to share about how he inspired to me to do something. He inspires me everyday, inspiration is a continuum and inspiring people all around script your life over time. I can't ask him to keep playing well. He knows that and that's why it's his profession. I can't ask him to stay in the Indian team for longer. He is too much of a team man to stay even after he realizes that his body won't allow him to contribute to India's success. What I think about Sachin can be summarized in the following photoshopped compilation I made for his club a few years ago-

This World Cup needs a mention of Yuvraj Singh. Being dropped from the ODI and Test team not more than a year ago. Dropped by his IPL franchise. Thinking about quitting cricket, Yuvraj has been the engine of India's success this tournament. Zaheer Khan has been so reliable. He has grown so much in the last 8 years. Consistency in India's pace department is a very commendable achievement. I love the team as a whole even though I'm not mentioning them here. I hold no wrath against Nehra for that last over against South Africa. I never did but one wise crack I heard from a friend is worth mentioning-(Read in Tamizh) "Oram-nu paeru aana neramma poduraan, Nehra-nu paeru aana oorama poduraan!"

Anyways, I look forward to Wednesday. I will be thoroughly enjoying the game, every moment of it. I promise to live each moment of the game than to think about the run rate required and wickets in hand. Go India! :)

Thathuvam da...

My dad once told me a simple story when I was pretty young. I am sure I found the story pretty "ordinary" and even "boring" back then. It is surprising how I still remember that simple story and also narrate it to me friends when the situation demands it.

The story is as follows-

There was once a man fast asleep in the veranda of his house. He was snoring loud enough for every passerby to notice him.

A man walks past the house. He sees the man sleeping and tells himself- "Ah looks like he pulled a good heist today and has rewarded himself with this good sleep!"

A second man now walks past. He notices the man sleep he tells himself- "Ah looks like he had a tough physical day at work! Perhaps on the field under the unforgiving sun. He has earned his sleep today."

A third man now passes by. He thinks- "What a lazy man! How can he sleep when he should be working? He will face the consequences soon enough."

The fourth man thinks- "Probably his wife sent him out of the house after an altercation. Tired, he must've fallen asleep."

The short simple story ends there.

So what was the profession of the sleeping man? Why was he really sleeping? Which of the four men or neither were right? Well one can't really determine that from this story. What you can guess, however, is the nature/profession of the four men. The first man was most likely a thief, the second man a farmer, the third a procrastinator(or maybe just from HR :P) and the fourth man has trouble in his personal life.

Simply put- The way you blindly judge the world reflects who you really are.

Happy Woman's Day

I just got reminded by a woman that it was woman's day and that I needed to remember such dates if I wish to have a stable marriage. I am buying myself a smartphone when I get married just so there is a device to remind me what special day it is. There is always this cute/cheesy 'men's excuse' I use when I forget a woman's birthday by saying- "I have celebrated you everyday of my life, I don't need a birthDAY to celebrate you. :)" Basically, it's that smiley that delivers the killer blow to make them go "Aww!" and forgive you for forgetting. Doesn't work all the time though, you need to invest in R&D with such issues. Consumer demand is changing by the hour. But when I do make those flowery statements, it is by no stretch an exaggeration when I (for that matter all men) say that I celebrate women around me everyday. :) (Did that work?)

Starting with my mom. She needs constant reminding that I miss her. When I was young, my mom used to chase me around the house to make me eat Spinach. I hate Spinach. Well actually I don't, I just don't like it. She goes through hours of cajoling and bribing me with carrot halwa that she'd make the next day to convince me to go through the torture of eating Spinach. Truth be told, the day she stops chasing me will be the day I would dutifully eat that Spinach or for that matter anything she cooks. She knows that too. I want her to chase me. She wants to chase me. This keeps the game running. Now that I live away from my family, I eat Spinach pretty much regularly. How can I not think of her when I do? I'll call you more often. Happy woman's day!

My sister, she is quite the Hobbes when I am Calvin. She is an accomplice in all my crimes. She is the Frasier Crane when I am Niles Crane and vice versa. Lucky to have a sister like her. Nobody knows me like she does and her love helps me put faith in my own character during my introspection. Happy woman's day to you.

My grandma, my dad often mentions how much she misses me. I have visited her a few times but never been with her for more than a month. I would not understand this bond with mundane economic rules. More time does not mean stronger bonds. Time is quite irrelevant. Her questions warm my heart on a snowy day. I sometimes have a facade to protect my introverted side. She sees right through in those questions. While still my facade answers, she already knows the answers to all her questions. Happy woman's day to you.

To those tomboys who are sensitive women deep down. To those ladies who conspire against other ladies and before you know it, sign a treaty and form an axis of evil. To those women who like Justin Beiber and Twilight (Yeah I'm still going to be a jerk about it). To those raconteur with specific taste in books who takes me into her wonderland and makes me want to read into her world. To those scathing writers who address social and emotional issues but forgive every time India loses a cricket match. To those woman who couldn't care less about Chelsea but would ask me the score anyways just because they care about me. To those women who call me tirelessly even though I never answer their calls. To that silent introspective woman at Forbes and Craig bus stop lost in thoughts but affords a smile when she sees me. To those damsel in distress who don't really need my help. To that careless woman who cares too much. To the woman reading this. Happy woman's day!

Everything I wanted to be...

So I see this video by Adcom about how the child-like innocence was all that was needed to convert your creative ideas into action. As we grew up we had the fear of failures, we observed others and started being conscious of what the society would think of us. Not a new reminder, all of us know that is true. Here's the video I am talking about-

While I do have an opinion about this rather simplistic reminder for us all, I don't really want to discuss it here. To say it briefly- I feel the video simply serves as a medium to get us all nostalgic and make us feel sorry for ourselves rather than suggest an idea for becoming active again. I know, understanding the problem is the first step to a solution but the message in this video, I feel, is only a small part of the problem and of lesser significance. Something more significant is our lifestyle. Anyways, not my point to discuss in this post. I'd love to discuss this with anyone interested.

My point is to let myself get nostalgic and feel sorry for myself. This video reminds me of everything I always wanted to be as a kid. So, here is a list of everything I always wanted to be-

1. President of the World

Yeah, I believed in democracy in the most autocratic position possible if it at all existed.

2. Dictator of the World

The game Age of Empires made me feel this was possible. Ha if I can beat the hardest AI, humans would be mere villages with a measly +6 attack and +2 armor Mehehuhuhahahaha!! And if anyone tried a mutiny I just have one word

for you- Wololo! Bah was never realistic! But I do confess I had an actual world map with all the plans about which country I would invade first, in order. I had accounted for nearly 100 countries. The smaller countries came as bonuses for me.

3. President of India

Every time, I scored well in History.

4. Batman

A towel around my neck and dad's helmet was all that was needed to become the caped crusader.

5. Geologist

A part of me still wants be be a Geologist. Never lost the fascination for the formation of land. The depths of the oceans, the limitless skies, astrobiology, ethology and ecology.

6. Hrithik Roshan

My mom said I looked like him. Unbeknownst to the younger me that every mom thinks her son is a Brad Pitt and a Hrithik Roshan. Sigh! Reminds me of a Panchatandra storybook my dad once got me. The first chapter was about a Chimp's son who was made fun of in the jungle by all other animals because he was ugly. His mom though said she thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world in her eyes. Moral of that story was: Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. So, that makes me a Chimp. Hell girls dig cool guys. So to impress the ladies, I dress an attitude-

So, Mr. Hrithik we both chick magnets. Fair trade.

7. Painter

Yeah Disha you were right in that silly Facebook quiz I made up to cajole my ego (I concede, you deserved a 100). She was right, it wasn't a geologist I wanted to be. I wanted to be a painter. And I was good at it too. My favorite piece was a scene from Mission Kashmir with Priety Zinta in a gondola sort of a thing with Hrithik on it. This was the exact scene but the following picture is a close up. There is this gondola in a scenic location in a beautiful lake.

Well I painted it coz I ahem, had a crush on Priety Zinta. Frankly which guy didn't? Dimples work!

I painted characters from mythology too. I loved the show Pappyland on Kermit. Ah loved the poster colors!

8. Sigmund Freud

Loads of introspective books along with 11 seasons of Frasier was all it took to make me a psychiatrist. Jakki once told I'd make a good one. Can't write that on my resumé.

9. Barber

I've cut hair for Aslam, Jakki, MS, Ranjit and most importantly, myself. I have cut my own hair for the last 3 years now to deserve this profession.

10. Philologist

For some crazy reason I once wanted to know at least 36 languages. It would sound worse when you find out that one of the languages I was trying to master was Esperanto and another Atlantis from the Disney movie.

11. Indian Winter-Olympic skiier

For those 5 seconds I skiied without throwing my body at every possible obstacle at Tahoe.

12. Novelist

I started writing this stupid book on how the universe was divided into the dark world and the world of light. It had mystical creatures which looked like creatures in Starcraft. Too much Star Trek and Anime fused to plant this idea into me.

13. Cardiologist

Apparently just knowing the anatomy of the nervous system and blood vessels isn't sufficient to become one.

14. Professor

Still intact. I like teaching things I understand. I think Physics would be my thing.

15. Astronaut

Every boy's dream. Oh the books from several encyclopedias! The mini-rockets I made. Practiced day in and day out preparing to do regular chores as if in zero-gravity. Discover the 11th planet(Pluto was still a planet back then). Discover a civilization. Conspiracy theories. Just those amazing little boy nights where I stared at the stars thinking of all the possibilities into a deep sound sleep! :-)

I wanted to be a lot of things. Honestly, I don't regret missing out on anything. Perhaps the exciting part of my life hasn't come yet. Miles to go...

Faith explained in 2 simple pictures

The bittersweet juxtaposition

The following are just some common situations I have been in India and the United States and the contrasting response I get from each. Note this is just my personal perspective. This is in no means a generalization. A response may always be seen in the other country too. Also I have been to the States for just 2 years with only graduate students. So pretty effectively the following is no generalization!

1. You miss a deadline.

Friend @ India: Oh my EFFING GOD!!! You are dead! You are screwed! Here use this rope to hang yourself. You have no reason to live anymore. Oh by the way can I have your Macbook Pro when you're gone?
The Office @ India: You are still alive? Let me make your life more miserable. Finish a few errands here. Lick a few boots there. Run from the main campus to the Bio-tech campus and check how much weight you lost.
Me: :'-(

Friend @ US: Oh you should talk to Mr.XYZ.
The Office @ US: Should be done in a day. Have a fine day!
Me: :-| That's it?

2. When you get the exam paper back.

Friend @ India (peeks into your paper): How much did you score? How much did that topper guy score? And that other topper?

Me (situation 1): 94! :)
Friend @ India (situation 1): Topper na topper dhaan!
Me (situation 2): 51... just pass da! I don't get it... I thought I did well... :(
Friend @ India (situation 2): Oh sorry to hear da... (MEHEHUHUHAHAHA!!! :D Amma! namma class topper fail aitaan... and I got 74!!! :) )


Friend @ US: Exams over. Up for a movie?
Me: Sure!

3. Before the exam.

Friend @ India: Paduchutaeyaa?
Me: No da! I had some errands to do yesterday... :(
Friend @ India: Nee topper... paduchirupa!
Me: F. U.

Friend @ US: Hi, all the best!
Me: Hey man same to you!

4. Classification based upon likes/dislikes.

Friend @ India: Machchan Ajith/Vijay?
Me: I haven't seen any of their movies...
Friend @ India: Oh aamala nee Peter aachey!
Other guys @ India:

i. AR Rehmaan or Ilayaraja?
ii. Rahul Dravid or Sachin Tendulkar?
iii. Shah Rukh or Aamir?
iv. Mahesh Babu or the rest of the world?
v. Which IPL team do you support?
Me:

i. Depends what I want to listen to at that time. Besides I haven't heard much from Ilayaraja.

(People reaction: Oh my God did he just insult Ilayaraja by never having listened to his works??? What do you listen to?

Me: Enigma, Shakti, Massive Attack, etc.

People reaction: Imported stuff.

Me: F.)
ii. Don't they both play for Team India? No wonder IPL is a huge success!

(People reaction: Insult to God of cricket!)

iii. They act in completely different genre of movies equally entertaining.
(People reaction: Ha ha! he likes Shah Rukh. Classless fellow!)

iv. I don't understand his dialogues. He seems cool but he appears monotonic.

(People reaction: Oh another anti-Telugu)

v. Don't watch it. Who can watch so much cricket in a day/month?

(People reaction: Oh yeah Mr. America/Mr. Soccer)

Friend @ US: What kinda music do you listen to?

Me: New Age

Friend(if he likes it): Wow cool, favorite artist?

Friend(if he does not): Oh ok...

5. I have a problem. Not a big one.

Friend @ India: OMG THAT IS MAJOR NEWS!!! Why did you hide it from me for so long? What on Earth will you do? You need United Nations intervention!

Me: Not that big a problem...

Friend @ India: WHAT! Are you serious? My mom's dad's grandson once told me that his friend committed a suicide because of that exact same trauma!

Me: He committed a suicide because his sister played loud music at night??? (@_@)

Friend @ India: What were we talking about again?

Friend @ US: Oh that's hard. Good luck! Lemme know if I can help.

6. What do you think about Ms. ABC?

Friend @ India who doesn't know her: BIAATCH! I think she is... also I have heard...

Friend @ US who doesn't know her: Oh I dunno, never met her.

7. God she is beautiful! I have no acquaintance, wish I could grab a conversation.

Friend @ US: Go talk to her. Ask her out.

Friend @ India: Machchan don't worry... en aalu ava classla irrukaan.. (one of my men is at her class). He gained top secret information that one guy is already liking her and has made advances on her.

Me: Oh damn... ok someone else then...

Friend @ India: Don't worry machchan, avanna pottu thallirulaan! (Let's get rid of that guy)

Leave that to us... you confront her... we will take care!

Me: Dear Lord, what are you going to do?

Friend @ India: Chumma lightweight threatening... he will start calling her thangachchi (sister) after that!

Me: Never mind, I have no guts to talk anyways...

Friend @ India: Every morning at 7:30 she takes bus route A18 to Tambaram. She then gets into the next local train to Potheri. She has her breakfast at the Bio-tech campus before heading for class. You follow her with the same routine then accidentally crash onto her... meanwhile we got hold of her number... I'll give her a missed call... and then...

Me: Remind me, which of us exactly has a crush on her?

8. Can't believe India lost to Australia:

Friend @ US: Tough luck. I guess it was their day.

Friend @ India: It's all because of that #$%^!@& and that @%%&#*. Aussies are cheats. Look at their history Merv Hughes, Ian Chappel and now Ricky Ponting! Who can win when even the umpires play for the Aussies man?!?!? I think we won even after losing...

Me: :)

9. Back after an emotional movie. That scene where the boy is sent to the boarding school and cries, missing his mother was touching wasn't it? My eyes got wet a little.

Friend @ US: Oh yes that was well shot and strong performance. The critics could have gone easier on it. The screenplay was well done. Great child artist, has a bright future.

Friend @ India: I cried like a baby.

Me: OMG me too!!! :D

10. Celebration for an achievement.

Friend @ US: We should celebrate, let's go for a drink shall we?

Me: Oh I will have to skip that, I don't drink. Maybe some other place some other time. You guys go ahead.

Friend @ India: WHISKEY!!!!

Me: You know, I don't drink! you guys go ahead.

Friend @ India: Oh yeah, change of plans- NOOR BIRIYANI!!!

Me: Hell yeah!

11. The teacher said he was disappointed at me. That is bothering me.

Friend @ US: Oh that is hard. Don't worry too much about it. Do this and that and you should end up well.

Friend @ India: He is a third rated jerk! He scolded me last week for just sleeping in class. I mean who can listen to his class anyways? What a freak!

12. A long moment of silence with you deep in thoughts:

Friend @ US: It's getting pretty hot these days, isn't it? How are your courses coming? Ok then I will see you around!

Friend @ India: What happened?

And last but not the least-

13. When the class has been running for 50 minutes and you cannot absorb anymore.

Friends @ US: *Typing seriously in the computer* Googling the latest unheard term. Browsing his code from the other class. Listening attentively anyways.

Friends @ India: MAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Priceless.